Tonka Tough

I’m tough.

I’m tough like leather.

I’m tough like nails.

I’m tough.

Tonka Tough. Or is it Dodge Tough? No, it’s Tonka. Tonka Tough.

Except I’m not.

Because I’m faking it better than you faked that orgasm last night.

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People think I’m a bitch. My family thinks I’m a bitch. (Well, the family I grew up with….the family I’m raising doesn’t. I hope. Maybe.) So the world must think I’m mostly a bitch.

Except I’m not.

Because I’m faking it better than Britney Spears singing at a concert.

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People think I’m indifferent and that nothing affects me. I mean, I let them think that whatever they say means nothing to me because I don’t want them to think I’m penetrable. So, to them….I’m unaffected.

Except I’m not.

Because I’m faking it better than your husband fixing the things on your Honey-Do list.

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You see, I’m a walking oxymoron. I said “oxymoron” not “moron” although, the latter may be true as well.

I’m tough, but I’m sensitive. I’m outgoing, but I’m shy. I’m confident, but I’m insecure. I’m stable, but I’m unbalanced.

For years people have said that I’m different from what they thought I would be (once they know me). Every person thinks I’m going to be rude, snarky, mean, or just arrogant. They are shocked that I’m actually the polar opposite behind closed doors. My close friends know I break down more often than I stand up.

Oh, I’m fiesty all right, but even I don’t know how much of that is in act. Sometimes even I’m confused by the fuzzy lines of my personality. How can someone so strong in crisis cry when she sees someone in pain? How can someone so indifferent be so hurt when she is shunned by others? How can someone so snarky have gentle words for someone in times of crisis? How can someone so tough be so sensitive to the feelings of others?

I’m not all that I appear, but  you’ll never quite be able to catch on to who I really am. I’m Tonka Tough and that’s all you need to know.

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Comments

  1. You’re so fucking awesome. Love this and love you. Not faking that part fo’ sho.

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